Wednesday, 11 June 2014

Foolishness of the week: Men who can't stand natural hair

In the early days when I started this blog, I frequently had women writing to me about unsupportive husbands. It irks me that today this is still an issue! I watched an episode of Steve Harvey where the husband ran out of the house because the wife came in with her natural hair and then returned to tell her that if it is a wig, it is ok and she should take it off!

I will pause for you to roll your eyes. I am still rolling my eyes as I type this.

If this man had been any other race, his reaction would still have been unjustifiable but perhaps he had a reason to be perplexed at why her hair was no longer straight. As a black man married to a black woman probably with black family members, I find it highly shocking/improbable that he had not seen natural hair previously (his own hair?) and had a reason to be so horrified.

It is completely irrational for a black person to be shocked at the sight of natural hair. If you or your partner are, perhaps it is time to do some self examination.

If you would like to see my earlier peace, light and love article before I decided I am going to be 80 years old in spirit and just call a spade, a spade - click here

10 comments:

  1. While I do agree with what is commonly said on this subject-- that black American men (I say this because I can't speak for other nationalities, and your example comes from an American show) are often conditioned to dislike natural hair, I think that there is something else that is almost never considered but that comes into play in a big way, and that is male sentimentality. Men get attached to what you looked like when they fell in love with you. Sudden and drastic changes to your appearance can be really jarring for them. If the change is also something that they might consider to be socially divergent and/or unattractive, they may very well have a cow. They're out of line, sure, but them's the breaks. Depending on the level of their displeasure, I think they really need to consider 1) where their attitude is coming from and 2) why they think they should have a level of domain over their significant other's appearance. Men know that when a woman makes a change to her hair, no matter how small, it was a carefully considered decision. We don't go into this on a whim. It borders on bullying for them to have a tantrum over something that a woman has chosen to do for her mental and physical health (not to mention that natural hair just plain looks better ;) ).

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    1. You are very right Rachael! I could not agree with you more on the explanation. I do also must add that when the man was told by someone else that his woman was beautiful, all of a sudden he was now wanting to cosy up to her and play happy families. He needed the outer validation from others to accept that she was beautiful. The woman herself had low confiedence.

      I just refuse to rationalise stupidity anymore, hence the reason for this post. Imagine if a white woman who normally wears a blow out decided to wear it curly and her white husband just for the sake of comparison decided to run out of the door.....how stupid would that be?

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  2. He...ran out the house?


    She locked the door after him, right?

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    1. Rofl! I damn well would have.

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  3. I recently watched Dark Girls and it was interesting when one woman talked about how her cousin began dating a white man. Her cousin went natural and slowly stopped wearing makeup. The woman said she couldn't believe it and her cousin said that the man she was with, thought she looked beautiful and she felt confidant and happy about her natural beauty. I don't think this is an unusual experience for black women with white men.

    But how sad is it that men outside of our race can appreciate our natural beauty but many black men cannot? Rachael, mentioned a conditioning that happens with Black American men and that definitely plays part along with men feeling like they have dominion over women's bodies. To speak more on the white men and black women, I have personal experience as my husband is white. He has told me that he has learned a lot about not only respecting black women but all women because of me. The cultural differences (which frankly are not great which it is so sad that so many white American can't see the similarities) made him listen to me more about everything. It's like he gave me more benefit of the doubt because he didn't feel like he knew everything. I think that's what happens with black men with black women, they think they "know" how black women should look. On the other side, I think white men do similar things to white women on different issues; hair just happens to be a big social issue in the black community.

    On a positive note, I'm so glad there are forums to talk about these things and I think more and more people are having conversations like these :D

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    1. I loved your comment Puff. I feel though that while race plays a part in eliciting reactions like the one described above, I do feel that a bigger factor is the sheep mentality. Sometimes people refuse to think for themselves, choosing to believe whatever their peers are doing or thinking and adopting it as their own thought. Sometimes logic just needs to reign supreme.

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    2. I definitely agree with your point on sheep mentality. I do wonder what makes people care so much about their peers opinion when it comes to their personal attraction...so many issues played into that reaction by that husband it's hard to cover all of them.

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  4. I saw the video too.Curly Nikki was on Steve Harvey sometime this year. I was very surprised that such men still exist in 2014! But he said that was the first time he saw the girl's real hair because she always wore weaves in the first 3 years they were together. I think the woman had something to do with the shock too.
    www.themanecaptain.blogspot.ca

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    1. Yes, true. But as Steve said, he went about it the wrong way. He completely overreacted to the fact the she changed her hair. I understand the disappointment but running out of the house was a bit extreme. Instead of supporting, he alienated her by making her feel like something was wrong with her. Its sad that this men prefers his fake wife over his real one. But thats what kind of fish you catch when u use fake bait.

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  5. Great post!

    Girl, men that hate natural hair irk me too much! It's sad and I've actually experienced myself with my ex boyfriend. As a black woman hearing that they think our natural hair is 'ugly' is sickening. At this point I just want to let my hair flourish: Whoever loves it, loves it & who doesn't, screw 'em!

    Victoria Sallie
    www.talktresses.com

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