Thursday, 23 February 2012

Inbox tales: When I started blogging

I have always thought that it is important to be polite even when someone is clearly not the same (rude, aggressive, dismissive, uninterested etc). I started off blogging with this in mind, always be courteous, always be kind, never swear and get people to talk without fear of judgement..

Fast forward to today and I get plenty of emails along the lines of 'I'm terrified my hair is going to be 4c or I transitioned and I cannot believe my hair is the worst of them all, 4c.'  I honestly think some of you are testing my patience, either that or you think I am nicer than I really am and will entertain you.

Can I please say that being terrified of your hair texture is just plain old daft. I almost said stupid but I thought I would soften the blow a little bit as only peculiar English can. The way your hair grows is how it will grow. Instead of being terrified, wait for your hair to grow out and learn how to style it and appreciate it for what it is and not what it is not.

Are you a blogger? What did you start out doing that you are now being pushed to rethink? Are you bored to death of the type 4 hair bashing?


52 comments:

  1. I blog and I started with the same thing in mine. Remain polite no matter how rude people become. I force myself to immediately delete comments that would generate a rude response and I respond positively to comments that are negative. It's tough because people become what I refer to as "internet gangstas" when they have an IP address to hide behind. I can't stand cyber thugs. I know blogging puts us out there for the public to view and judge but I really wish ppl would realize that we are NOT forcing anyone to read or watch anything. Feel free to click the red X at the top corner.

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    1. lol I like that - click the red x!

      Delete
  2. I used to be worried about my hair type, but at some point I just realized exactly what you said in this post: my hair grows how it grows and instead of crying that it is not 3a/b/c I need to make the best of it. Now I embrace and enjoy my hair type because it's as beautiful as any other. I gave up this classification thing: now I say my hair is simply "kinky" and that's how it is.

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    Replies
    1. I felt the same way at first when I realized my hair was a 4c. Then as time went on and I learned to love my hair for what it was and did so much googling and youtube watching to wear I found a way to get out of the afro wearing and into styling. Now I love it! I also love when I get my hair twisted and I get the "I didn't know your hair was that long!" response. lol. I found out patience is the key. As far as negativity. If you're not going to take action to fix a problem, why complain. Red-X! lol

      Delete
  3. My hair is 4c, I knew it would be 4c. I can't believe people email you that stuff,. And I'm not sure if humor was what you intended but this was funny to me, daft! Either we will accept ourselves for who we are, or we can go on living in ignorance.

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  4. Type 4c hair? Eww. I'd rather perm bone straight every day of my life than deal with 4c!!

    hehe

    I'm sure those emails are frustrating. I've started to...(dont tell anyone)... IGNORE the emails I get that say things like "my hair isn't like yours so I can't go natural" and "I BCed but my hair is bad, should I perm?" UGH!!!

    Sometimes it's just too draining to deal with a bunch of these emails because honestly, no matter what I say, or you say, or anyone says....nobody can fix these chicks' programming/brainwashing/stupidity...i mean...daftness but them. They're the only ones who can turn their mindset around.

    The only thing I said I wouldn't do as a blogger is get into bloggy wars with people, argue and allow ugliness on my blog. I failed, I posted a rant once re: all the stupid emails I get...but have stayed drama free since.

    Oh and yes, I'm bored to death with type 4 bashing, natural bashing, and refusal to educate yourself.

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  5. 1.I've only been blogging for a few months so I haven't had the chance to rethink anything.

    2.I try to not go hard on people hating themselves b/c we all struggle with something.
    Now someone projecting that hate by saying something about me or someone else is another story.

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  6. I don't know why people think that Type 4 hair whether A,B,C or Z is bad. You have to work with what you have. Also, did you not look at your Mom and Dad's hair. The apple is not going to fall far from the tree. Be proud and learn whatever grows out your head. The wish for 3c/4a or whatever softer curler instead of kinky, coarse is as bad as thinking that wearing a weave or relaxed hair is Natural. Stop all the self hatred and revel in the beauty of being Alive. Some people are just so Vain and Envious that they do not appreciate what's right in front of them.

    I am a blogger and I have not rethought much at all. I take everything for what it is and not what I would want it to be. (People included)

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  7. Yes! I'm absolutely tired of 4 hair bashing! I have 4G (comedy!!!) hair and I love it, I just sometimes don't know how to style it... but I wouldn't change it. You've just got a 4 hair fan!

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  8. I started blogging about hair care and health tips but started to rethink that not too long ago. I noticed my readers gravitate towards photos and stories of natural haired women (be it me or others). However, after rethinking, I've decided to stay with my initial plan. I'm more concerned with guiding my readers towards healthy habits than morphing into a blog that features photos of natural hair.

    Additionally, like you, I'm tired of the type 4 hair bashing. I have no words. I'm speechless. I can only hope that those who currently dislike their type 4 hair come to love it.

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  9. I am a blogger; a baby one to be precise (since Dec. '11). I have only gotten one email so far so I haven't experienced people giving those demeaning comments. All I can say is that at first when I was transitioning, I was hoping my hair was a certain hair type (just curly) but as I went along, I learned to really appreciate my hair type. I am blessed to have the 4 whatever hair. I don't really like to even put myself in that box 'cuz it gets ridiculous sometimes when you search through the internet. What we all have to understand is you have to 1st love yourself & come to understand YOU. 2ndly, you have to work with what works for you. Do research and do trial and errors with products in order to know what your hair likes and dislikes. I have thicker, curlier hair (kinky) which people look at and think is so hard to deal with and it's dry but it really isn't. I've found what works for me (Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie and Mega Care's Cocoa Butter or Jojoba Oil) and I work with it. I still do some trial and errors. Like recently, I purchased the Terresentials Lavender Garden Wash and did the 7 Day Detox and it works to remove the muck from the hair. I'm still gonna use it on a long-term basis to see if it's consistent and if my scalp will get even better as I continue using it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Originally, I wanted to promote healthy hair and body and I believe I'm getting better at trying to promote that. When we realize that whatever we put into our bodies affects our hair, then we'll try and eat healthier. I try to promote self and world appreciation. Everyone is different and that's what makes us individuals. We don't have the same hair textures and that's a beautiful thing. God didn't ordain that we all look the same. That would be a dull world. Ya think?

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  11. "Stupid" is the right word. It bothers me so much to learn that women don't even know what their natural hair looks like. And when they find out, instead of being excited about the possibilities, they complain about it. Its what God gave you.. at least try enjoy it.

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  12. Thank you all so much for the comments, I enjoyed reading them all and seeing all your view points :)

    Anon: I did not post your comment because you wrote your email address in it and this tends to attract spam to the blog. To answer your question, I have type 4abcxyz (thanks Loo!). It has been described as 4z by others and one lady actually told me that my hair is the nappiest thing that she has ever seen...in her words my naps have naps (interestingly this is actually true because I do have double kinks as the microscopic exam revealed lol).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol...Once you're firm within yourself, no one can break you. People will feed into you their neagativity, which I call venom to put you down but as Maya Angelou said "yet still I rise". :D

      Delete
  13. Sock it to em Jc! Daymmmmmmmmn

    I recently had a white sister-friend message me about how she wish she could rock a braided style as soo many of us born sistah's can. I was swift to bring her back around to the fact that all textures have their limitations and we must learn to work with them and style accordingly.

    My type 4's and all. DO keep appreciate your hair with this in mind and rock it to death. There are many who covet you and you are just to plugged in to the preposterous notion nappy=unhappy to see it!

    Cheers to your hair!
    -Ms. Amena

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  14. Haha - love this post (and hi btw - it's been a while!). I don't get many messages aside from the occasional, "YOUR hair looks nice nappy but MY HAIR won't look nice nappy." Nappy is as nappy does. I'm SO GLAD I'm past the whole "hair type" thing. I don't even read the posts that cover complaining, lack of length retention, anything, unless I'm looking for entertainment :)

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  15. I hate that people can't seem to appreciate type four C hair, which I think is just as beautiful as any other hair type out there. I don't really get emails but this situation has happened to me in person. I usually just give that blank stare* and try to control myself from going off. The "I can't go natural because my hair ha no curl pattern. It's too nappy" comment really gets my blood boiling....I just don't understand why people can't see the beauty in any texture no matter what it is. Then of course you have those people that are just looking for someone to reassure them that they can go natural. For example the girl that say's "Im so fat" just so her friends can say "Oh no girl, you are thin." I usually just ignore people like that. Good Post!!

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  16. hahah. "im so scared my hair is "going to be" 4c" What an ignorant thought. It's like a black woman married to a short man saying "im so scared my kid will be short!" I too have 4ZZ (double Z hair, lol), i mean comb breaking hair! and i love it! shows the African in me! Been thinking of starting a separate blog on ignorance around 4C. enough is enough!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I bet this will be the most enlightening read and evolve into something wonderful. I say go for it.

      Delete
  17. I do not have much tolerance for people who say they are terrified to learn that they have 4c hair. I mean really? Terror? I can't... Terror is what I feel when my car slides out of control on an icy highway or when I dream I'm being chased by an insane serial killer. In other words, it's what I feel when I think I might DIE. Terror should not be what people feel upon finding out they have 4c hair. Fooey!

    Kudos to you for having the patience to deal with that for so long, because I would have been fed up a long time ago.

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    Replies
    1. LOL @ terror! My hair has terrorized many combs (and their teeth have responded by committing suicide), so methinks you underestimate the mighty 4 nap! I could probably string these hairs together and make a weapon! Shoot...

      I kid, I kid (except about the comb part, true story). ;0)

      Delete
  18. I’m not a blogger, but I understand your frustration. Many women I encounter who desire to become naturals are kinky-phobic (I know- I made it up). When I made the decision to go natural, I knew I was the kinkiest of them all (what many refer to as 4Z! smiles), and I was prepared.
    My primary reason for transitioning was coming to terms with who I am, in totality. It is important that we (women) understand our hair is a small part of our uniqueness and we should be open to that, no matter what that means as far as ‘type’.

    As for 4C bashing, I don’t encounter it a personally, but I think it’s disgraceful that people criticize those accepting themselves as they were born to be.

    When it comes to natural hair, we must establish positive relationships and grow - along with our tresses! Awesome comments, thanks for this post.

    Cherubfoxx

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  19. And this is why I love you, Jc! You called it right--stupid. And sad really.

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  20. I have no time for "Type 4" bashing. I love my hair because it's mine. It a wonderful texture passed down fto me from my Nigerian ancestors. It's beautiful, fun to care for and style. It's a gift...not a burden like so many have been taught (or encouraged themselves)to believe.

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  21. Let me say it for you, Jc: The notion that only certain people "can" go or stay natural is STUPID.

    I had a site in the early 2000s, before the term "blog" became mainstream. I took it down for several reasons, one of them being my absolute lack of tolerance for brainwashed whiners. (Um, yeah, this subject upsets me; can you tell? lol)

    I'm happy to sit in the background and support others (notably Deecoily of Nappturality but others too) who have the patience, courage, and fortitude to educate others. Nappturality actually came about precisely because some of us were sick and tired of people whining about having 4b hair (back when 4b was code for the worst of the worst).

    Not growing up with the good/bad hair BS played a huge role in my going and staying natural. By looking at my family I knew exactly what I was going to get -- NAPS -- and I went natural ANYWAY.

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  22. I have a hair blog. But I was never concerned about what curl or lack of curl pattern I would have. I have serious curly fuzz that is full of tight curls at my nape of my neck which to me is like my necks own baby hair but it gets shaved off only for neatness. Having tight curls has never been an issue to me as you can always style it differently.

    i have friends who tell me that i should take care of my fuzzy hairline and relax and I just let that go over my head. These are the same friends whose kids hair are loose waves and they have relaxed their kids hair because they couldnt manage. smh

    When I was in my transistioning stage I used to wonder why I did not see many type 4 girls blogs or youtube channels as popular as those with wavy hair. Made it hard for me to find someone with my texture. So when I discovered the likes of KimmayTube BlackOnyx and MsTanish1 on youtube I was grateful.

    I know I have lacked in hair love for a while which will change but no one gonna tell me about my 4a/b hair.

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  23. JC, this is why I love you: not only do you bring me the science of hair but you teach me new words...and I can always use a synonym for the word stupid! Adding "daft" to my personal lexicon.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I'm not a blogger, but I can tell you this, you have WAY more patience than I do. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, except when a) you're stupid, b) you're stupid, and c) {can you guess?} you're stupid! As Erica stated, terror is an emotion you feel when put into extreme situations, i.e. you're in fear for your life and/or impending harm is about to come upon you, not your hair isn't "good" enough and doesn't look like some chick in a magazine/walking down the street/on YT. It's sad that people use bloggers as free therapists. I have an idea. Troll your inbox for questions which trend along the same vein (e.g. I hate my hair. I can't figure out my curl patter. How do I make my curls pop). Craft daft, sorry, draft, responses that can be used to reply in those instances.

    Example:
    Q: I recently BC'd. I hate my hair and the world is going to END because I don't have hair 2c magic pixie dust hair. I'm at my wits end. This must be a cruel trick of fate...I can't possibly have this texture of hair growing out of my hair. Can you help me please!

    A: Dear {insert daft user email address here},
    Let me begin by saying "hate" is a very strong word and emotion. And let me assure you, the world isn't going to end, especially because you think you deserve 2c magic pixie dust hair. You are in the initial stages of this journey, take it as an opportunity to learn what works best for you - not what works for you when compared to someone else. If the above doesn't work, sorry, there's not much more help I can provide.

    ReplyDelete
  25. This a good post and i guess ignorance has a lot to do with it.THe more we educate ourselves the more we can rock our hair with confidence and inspire others.There is nothing like seeing a confident woman who loves who she is warts and all or better i say naps and all lol!

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  26. ...so no one here knows what it feels like to be afraid that everyone they know won't accept them? ok. y'all keep saying that. i will be real.
    I think you're taking the wrong stance on this. if the community YOU live in is fine with the nappiest grade of hair (and i take from your comment about what ppl say to you JC, that they are not), good for you. if people will tell you daily how ugly your hair is, and you don't care, good for you. but i think it's extremely insensitive (to say the least) to look at other people's pain and say, "what are you, stupid or something?"
    i know what it feels like to watch another natural flip her 4A hair around on youtube, and cry because i knew my hair would never do that. for people who sit on a high horse, i'd love to see how many of you are FLAUNTING your luscious 4C hair on youtube, or even watching other do it. sigh. but that's not the point. the point is, there is a lot of sadness in it for some women, and to mock them because it's not that way for you is beyond cruel.

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    Replies
    1. Wow, you have a lot of pain. This post is not meant to mock you, it is meant to challenge you to start to think differently. In truth 4c hair is the dominant type of hair for women of African origin. To act like 4c hair is a strange type of unfortunate condition is ridiculous and it stems from adopting an ideal type of hair that actually is not your own.

      Seriously when you talk about crying when you see someone with 4a hair flipping their hair on youtube, I see only twisted thinking. Your hair is not her hair. There is nothing better about her hair. Why can you not admire the 4cs like Mwedzi, Loolahloo, PrincessDani....etc (look them up on fotki). Youtube is not the world.

      When you talk about listening to what other people tell you about yourself.....again I see only twisted thinking. The moment when you begin to set your own standards and your own values the faster you will begin to accept yourself and learn that while other people are entitled to their opinions and views, your own opinion especially when it comes to matters about yourself, trumps all others.

      I do not expect you to come round to accepting yourself immediately or in a flash but I do hope for your sake that you do begin to examine your own words and learn to criticise yourself less and less especially on things that you cannot change.

      Delete
    2. Hey JC and Unknown,
      Whilst the fear may be unfounded, and the reasons behind them flawed, for these women it's real. and it's real sad. Hopefully, Unknown, you'll get to a place where you're hair type won't matter too much. That, for me , came from accepting its limitation and embracing its abilities. and eventually you'll realise that other people have a messed up way of thinking. Give yourself time and you'll come full circle.
      please excuse my grammar and punctuation

      Delete
    3. Your grammar and pumctuation is fine Laila :) Thanks for the comment and thanks for giving the commenter Unknown some support and encouragement

      Delete
    4. I have the thickest hair known. Sometimes I think it's 4c then 4a, now I just know it's thick, coarse and coily and tough! I never realised just how tough it is. Many people comment on how my hair never falls out because I continually colour it. Of course that is down to the loving care and attention I always give it as well as the thick texture. Most of my family have different hair types and we compliment each other and never belittle the differences in each of our textures. I love my hair, even knowing it is the coarsest of textures.

      I am a blogger who doesn't blog very often and am very proud of my very thick and coily hair. Plus I love my tight tight curls! :)

      Delete
    5. I have 4 something hair. It's thick and I love it. However, I can see that all this person is saying is that they feel that encouragement is needed for those people who hate their hair. That if they are ignorant it is because that is what they are exposed to. You can't force them to love their hair you can only provide them with the tools to learn to except it. Sprinkle a little 4c love in and hope they catch on. You can't do anything more than that.

      Delete
  27. Yes, I blog. And yes, the brillo pad and 4z comments get old.

    One thing I've changed is that I used to blog about any and everything. I still veer off topic sometimes, but I try to keep it mainly about hair.

    Another thing is in the beginning I tiptoed around my personal thoughts about natural hair and some common practices. Now I speak my piece.

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  28. Send them fearful girls to that Youtube video explaining the journey's of 4C women call The Physical Transformation (Type 4c Hair).

    ReplyDelete
  29. After reading "Unknown" 's comment, I see that for some women the issue is psychological and it's deep! @Jc, I think your answer drives the point home...kinda. Maybe "daft" is not the best choice of words? It is "twisted thinking" as you say but I believe that's also because you may not have been subjected to situations or an upbringing where your texture is constantly put down. Mean comments and the conditioning that comes with being told your hair is plain wrong will eventually break down a person's self esteem or confidence. I remember reading on CurlyNikki's blog that alot of women bring up their appearance and especially hair during therapy sessions. That says something.

    To sum this up, I can only say, we may not understand until we walk the proverbial mile in her shoes. For some of these women, it will take years before they can actually believe differently.

    --Sue

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the lovely comment Sue. I agree with you that I did not have negative things said about my hair, I grew up in Kenya and people with loose curls tend not be a dime a dozen. However, my generation did embrace African American beauty standards and after the age of 14/15, it was not the norm to see natural hair. I am and still remain the only natural in my circle of friends and family. I still get comments from black women telling me my hair is due (i.e meaning hair is due for a relaxer), I still get comments that I side eye (like my hair is so nappy that the naps have naps or how come my husband does not mind me leaving the house like this or even when am I going to do my hair).

      The thing is in order to be natural you have to develop selective listening (partial deafness for some people) and a really hard head.

      I have never walked in Unknown's shoes but her pain is palpable. If it was possible to give hugs online, I really would love to hug her. I am hoping that she will become confident enough to one day read this post and smile

      Delete
  30. Forgive them, for they know not what they do.... lol!

    Seriously, it's basically ignorance at play here, passed down from their own parents and the community at large. I mean if good hair according to the old school black community is wavy hair, type 4 hair is obviousy 'bad'.

    Sadly, that horrible racist (yes, black people can be racist against themselves) thinking prevents them seeing the incredible beauty of their own hair type.

    I mean, type 4 hair FLOATS for god's sake. It defies GRAVITY!! It literally has a life and personality of it's own. No other hair seems to simply pulsate with energy like this hair type and it's unique on the planet. Less than 10% of the world's population has it.

    It's also clearly the hairtype of the first modern humans on the planet, homo sapiens sapiens, so it's incredibly ancient.

    All in all type 4 hair is a rare, precious and magical thing which should be treasured and celebrated.

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  31. I like my 4c hair it can be sculped molded and BOLD. I blog about fine art not my hair beacuse I relized that most of my audience compose of readers from USA (maybe Canada) and some other countries (that in which may not have the same features). I did not want to exsclude the 4c club so when I draw portraits and figures I always include a 4c touch. All of the women I draw have exstreemly curly 4c like hair and I am proud of that. I do not get any negative comments about this. Art is art.

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  32. I don't understand why people bash/hate 4c hair. If I had to type mine I guess I'm a 4a, but to me, 4c hair is so gorgeous! Twists outs look fab, it just seems so versatile because if I want to do a twist or braid out I have to smooth out my curls to the point of non-existence. Thinking about it unless I do a wash and go, I have to get rid of my curls otherwise the style will look messy. That being said, I love my hair and little curls :-)

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  33. It's quite ironic that you posted this. I actually have the so-called dreaded type 4abc and thought to start blogging exclusively about this because I was sick about reading/about this hair type being unmanageable! http://coilyas123.blogspot.com/

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  34. Firstly I love your blog...your so clever wish I had found it earlier.

    Black hair is black hair..I read about hair typing because it helps me understand more about afro hair and the way in which it behaves. Transitioning shouldnt be about curl patterns and all that other junk..it should be about black women embracing who we are naturally, at our most beautiful, about walking tall and proud in our own image. Please don't let this beautiful movement of self awareness be spoiled by another silly divide within our community, love who yourself wholly from the tip of your tightest curl or coil to your toes.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the compliment, it made me smile lol.

      Delete
  35. I have been natural for 11 months and have 4c hair (average 6" and growing). The top of my head is another type of hair thin course hair. The only thing I dislike about my hair is this short/long in between stage that it is in. We have our days and our mini wars win some lose some but it is all good. I give my hair what she want and all is well. The thing is 4c hair can seem like the hair from hell when you don't know what to do with it. Learn the nature of a thing in order to overcome it. Pay attention to your hair and she will respond accordingly. Right now I have to do a protein treatment on my hair that is what she is asking for. That is what I will give her. I have a section on my blog that addresses hair. BE aware of all parts of your body not just your hair! If anyone posted an out of order comment we will not fight or argue. I am sharing knowledge and so are other bloggers what people choose to do with it is their problem. For those that dislike and don't understand their 4c hair or natural hair period you got allot of homework to do checkout blogs and youtube! Best wishes!

    Check out my blog: youknowstrength.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  36. Wow. I somewhat agree w/ this post. Ask yourself. Why do you blog? I myself thought about blogging to help someone else going through transitioning hair..with "bad hair" i only now know about 4c/z hair. I say bad hair only because i didn't know what to use. My hair is funny. The african lady who braids my hair tells me its so nappy. Lol. I say that to say that i believe even within the 4c community there are different variations. When going natural some of us invision a certain type of end product. Going natural is a fad right now (i think permanent) sometimes when you see other af am celebrating their natural hair, but realize your hair wont do the same tricks as theirs, or look like theirs. I buy kinky hair, wigs, curly fro-type hair..which looks nothing like my hair. I only been natural a few months and i am learning to love my hair...its a process, but its mine. I think the correct respone to the email would be explaining hair is different and managing 4CZ hair takes a strong person, that theyre on right path. Think about it...they could easily slap some dark in lovely on their hair and have no issues. Obviously their frustration is just themselves coming to terms with reality. I would like to add..that although im new, that 4cz hair gets better with time and lenght..i see growing and being easier. JC growing up in africa with others with similiar hair type may be a reason your so confident. I for one was teased for my hair in the states..NYC and hair was very important. Luckily i didnt bring it into my adulthood...or did i(although i wore weaves, perms). Ijs, i agree..i dont want nobody dissing my hair type, but please understand where some of those souls come from. May u all be blessed with good hair days

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  37. I know this post is old ... But anyway i'm gonna comment because it talks to me .I think that people have a serious lack of empathy ... Like if you have 4c hair and you don't love it then you're just stupid. I'm a teenager who never relaxed her hair because of a scalp condition. I grew up hearing my whole family saying "you have Kunta Kinte hair" , "your hair is so nappy" etc...My cousin has looser curls and everybody is always raving about her hair so yeah... I don't like my hair . I know that's what god gave me and I have to accept it, and I'm really trying to like it , to take care of it but a part of me always wish I had 3c curls. So don't be so hard on us girls who have failed to love their nappy hair please.
    (I don't speak English fluently so excuse me for the bad grammar lol)

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  38. Im transitioning at the moment and if im going to be completely honest, I am slightly anxious about the possibility of having 4c hair. I haven't seen my natural hair since I was 10 so I know nothing about it. Before everyone starts criticizing me, I want to tell you why im anxious. Im nervous because when I was first going through natural hair videos, the only 4c hair videos I would see would be videos like 'Realistic Expectations for 4c hair'. I would hear of all the things you cant do with 4c hair and all these negatives. Also, there weren't many 4c videos out. 4c was the pattern that was never really mentioned. And when it was pictured, it would always be in a short boy cut. Then you would look at the abundant videos of youtubers with looser patterns and the beauty of their hair. All of this made me want to keep far away from 4c as much as possible. I understand the loving yourself and accepting the hair that grows out of your head but you must also understand why someone might be nervous

    ReplyDelete

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