Wednesday, 10 March 2010

One Happy Natural: Belief is a CHOICE

For the large part, my hair attracts compliments or silence. There are however a few bad seeds who have decided to give a negative critique. My usual reaction is complete and utter disbelief - how dare you say that my gorgeous hair is anything but?!

Sadly, I have read and seen many women take it very personally and get quite hurt when complete strangers say derogatory comments. (Why does a complete stranger have such an effect, who gives them that power?)

I want to say that you that belief is a choice. This goes two ways. First what you believe about yourself and second whether you choose to believe or disbelief what others say. In both scenarios, you always have a choice.

As cliche as it is, you really do control how you feel and think about yourself and consequently how you react to how others think and feel about you.

I think I would even go a step further and say, some people do attract the flies. I read one blog where a lady catalogued 3 incidents in one week where random people had been nasty to her. In all my years of being natural, I only bumped heads with one individual (who actually is a friend). As I said at the top, most people will either compliment or not say anything at all. Why do people feel so inclined to insult that lady?

I think the belief system that you have about yourself is the only one that counts. The weaker it is, the more ripe it is for attack. What do you think?


  1. Hmm, yes, I think you are right. Just yesterday, I was thinking about confidence and happiness regarding hair. When I was not very sure of the care and styling for my daughters' hair I got approached by folks wanting to help, and sometimes I got really reproachful looks.

    That never happens anymore. The girls' hair does not look radically different, but now we are happy, self-assured, and in love with all of our various curls. And it shows.

  2. I have had very short hair for months now, used to rock a long curly mohawk, and I live in a very small town. I never get negative comments, a few stares here and there, but no one blatantly attacks me. I have a lot of confidence and I carry myself well plus I am a nice person until I'm provoked. I do think a person's attitude, if it is confident and pleasant, has a lot to do with how people see them and interact with them.

  3. I agree with the above. I believe confidence in your look makes all the difference. If people might be a bit uncertain about their hair, negative people usually see that as a cue to step in a offer their unwanted advice and opinions.

    To be honest, a lot of the time, I have no idea what my hair is doing on my head. I do all I can, moisturise, deep treat, protein, but if it feels like it wants to get wild in the breeze, I am certainly not going to fight it. My healthy hair has a mind of its own and I'm proud of it.

    It's a good idea to embrace your hair in it's completion: curls, frizz, coils, random textures, whatever. That kind of confidence tends to ward off the neg-bombs.

  4. I super duper agree! Without going into detail because i'll write a paragraph. *you've seen my posts LOL* I totally agree. I have to state though its not always easy. Some people *I included* have to get to or rebuild the level of confidence, to get like yours JC. To the "are you talking about my luscious head of hair, how dare you". Clean your eyes out with some visine or i'll be inclined to believe your having a hater attack LOL.

    ...nevermind I already wrote a paragraph lol. >_>

  5. Thanks for the comments lovely ladies. Lol Jaded!

  6. Yeah, about 2 weeks ago, a former troll on my blog sent me an email about my hair and accent. He told me I need a haircut and an accent makeover.

    It stung for a bit but then I dismissed him -- or her, who knows -- and carried on.

    Preach on, Jc.

  7. Wow Joy-Mari, I can see that person is plainly trying to make you angry.

    I love accents, they show that you speak a language other than English. Seriously how many English speakers actually speak another language?

    You let that insult slide right back into the vile mouth that it came from and keep on moving!

  8. Thanks for this. I may be insecure about other aspects of my life, but my hair isn't one of them...and I think it shows because, as is the case with you, I either get compliments or indifference. Sometimes I get baffled looks (usually from black folks, lol) but I almost never get any outright negativity.

  9. Very Powerful and thoughtful post. Your mindset is everything. Thanks for this!

    - Savvy

  10. This post is spot-on. I have realized that often our reactions say more about us than others. Thankfully, we are empowered once we learn this.

  11. Hey, Jc

    Yeah, I think I know who it is so I'm not going to let it get to me. I love my hair and while I do want to get it cut super short, it won't be because of the troll.

    puregoldlady -- too true!


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